Time heals, this too shall pass, blah blah blah

My father died 21 days ago. We are having a memorial for him next weekend. I am so ready to have this next week over. I couldn't be there when he died, so this, I feel, is the closure I need.

We've been battling to ensure his final wishes are carried out for five months now, but today is one of the days when I feel like it has been five years. I'm tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. My husband's family reunion is today, and I just couldn't make it. I knew I couldn't stand in the middle of a crowded house full of people, a majority of whom I don't know. They would wish me well and give me condolences on my father's death. I have no doubt about that. I just couldn't do it today.

Today I need to hide. I need quiet. I need to watch mindless television and perform mindless tasks like folding laundry. If I perk up, I'll try to study a bit. I need to gear up for rehearsal tonight so I'm no just a lump of flesh sitting there with nothing to contribute.

I have had some good days in the last 21 days. This just isn't one of them.